Confession

When i say she is beautiful, the world will agree with me.

Form the word go I have been enchanted by her beauty.

I am attracted towards her as any sane men would if she

was talking to them as she did with me. She seemed totally

in control of herself. She knew what she was doing, she

knows how to drive a man to the wall.

If she has her way, she would make me confess my feelings

for her. It is too early for me to say anything about my feelings

for her, the seed of which has been planted in the nursery of

my heart. In time I said she will know me and I will know

how the plant grows up to be.

I am one of those persons who has been seeking love.

I dont know if I deserve her love or not, but i certainly

need it for this life and the coming life times.

Tashan

Some time I do tings as i feel like doing, at that moment i dont think much. may be i should have taken her permission, or atleast told her about it.
but how can i let her know about it , cause ever since - i have been jinxed. yeah , from that days onwards i have been dying to hear her voice, but all in vain so i finally gave up on the idea.
The sunday was getting so much boring so i asked sachin if he will be intrested in watching Tashan ( i had to persuade him by the idea of kareena in a skimpy swim suit) & he readily agreed since he was also pretty much bored as i am. so at around 3:10 pm we entred raghuleela. To our shock (this was the first time i had entred a theater without checking the papers) there was no show of Tashan running there. the list of other available options was also frightening. the decision was made to run out, get a news paper and make it to the movie where ever it was available. 3:20 blood was pulsating through the body, we where going towards borivali station on S.V road , i knew there besides the sai baba nagar petrol pump was a news paper vendor. sachin got the Mid-Day and i immediately pulled out the movies section going through all cinemas where Tashan was running. My eyes lit up when i shaw Tashan show starting as 3:45 running at 24 Carat . I looked at my watch, it was 3:25 and looked at sachin and asked shall we ? we just had 20 minutes befor the show will start so now i was racing against time, the bike was flying , on the ways we did abbuse a few autos, a tanker. the ride was one of my usual stuff , at 3:42 i rode into the basement parking of 24 Carat. It was a mad rush at the ticket counter, still the black marketiers where in boom. Sachin and i decided to stand in different Queues so atleast one of us can get hold of the remaining few tickets. when i reached the window, a realisation was made that all the tickets have been sold out except for one and so i moved towards sachin with a hanging face who was more chirpy than usual with a big grinn and tickets in hand, and it was from the counter it self not the black. i was still confused how on counter they sold out and other was still selling.
any ways the two box tickets took us three flights up, which we ran tha whole ways, missing the elevator due to our time constraints. sachin still had to relieve him self of his bodily fluids so i gave him one ticket and movein in the darkness. lucky i could still catch the titles. soo after sachin also walked in, so that was it - here i am not going to tell u the story-but i will tell you about a scene in the movie when it was running i sank into my seat. it was like this - most of the movie keeps going into flash back and coming back. the scene where young Bacchan Pandey jumps over a tempo , a balcony, a terrace, a rift to talk to young Gudiya. there Gudiya asks bacchan to eat chillies to which bacchan eats them as it were a candy or sweet. At that i was set back in time to the very same moment where i was asked to jump and i did, wear a party cap and i did, this time around i found my self to be doing it all over again. the mind was lost. and again i come back to my senses to realise i had lost that moment. i was sitting in 24 Carat watchin Tashan.
It is a very late realisation which has come to me, if i had jumped love would have saved me.

Inspiration

I should change my profession and become a writer , thats what she suggested me. Now how am i to become a writer ?
i am not a writer i never was , but since she is suggesting it i think i will try my hand at writing .
now the question coming to mind is what should i write ? there are lots of options available but i do need to have an inspiration for the kind of writing which moves hearts and minds alike. so this time again i turn to her . i ask her to be my inspiration that she involentarily has become for me.
even though it was too much for me to ask for her - thats what she said - i just want her to be there, her presence in front of me is enough for me to be mesmerized in to an enchanting trance.
and when the trance is broken , when i am set back into reality the words come gushing in as the water would enter an empty tank if it were busted under water . the thought of her makes me so full of her that when it leaves, it leaves a vast emptyness in me allowing me to fill it up by words, words for her - she is my inspiration :)

Passing off things

All this started with the question which was asked to me by niraj -aka eeyore. what have i been ignorant about ?
I have been ignorant to the world around me, to which he said - i am not rude enough to be doing it , and he wanted me to explain the reason for me to be saying all that.
yes it is true i am not rude enough to be ignorant of the world around me. but then this world is not my world at all .
is there some thing wrong with me ? why i am not coming online as i used to come before , am I just so much busy , or is it some thing ?
truth is i have been moving aways from this state of being, which i had come to love and live.
i am a very simple person, also as simple as i may be but i end up complicating things. I smiply love to talk, i love interacting with different peoples. you can say talking is a hobby of mine, and its not about gossips, i like to discuss, have a meaningful chat.
Tania use to complain, i talk a lot, may be one day it was too much for her so she decide to cut me off from her list of friends. for the first time in my life it didnt affect me, then i realised i have changed, I am coming to terms with the new trend of net buddies, as they call them.
i have a lot of net buddies , frnds whom i only know from net , whom i have never met befor , whom i dont know if i will ever meet.
I was raised up by my mother single handedly, cause my father used to stay aways for his job.
from a very young age i have ventured amongst women so their quality of talking has rubbed off into me , thats one reason i dont get tired of talking all day long.
but all this doest answer the question which niraj asked.
may be later i actually will answer it.
for now this will have to do.

The zing

i wanted to meet her,but every time some thing or other came up. we couldnt meet for about a month after we decided
to meet.one saturday i called her up to meet, but as usual she was busy. without loosing hope i still wanted to meet her ,
even for the shortest time possible. so it was a short meeting on the platform. the 15 minutes or so which i spent with her
went by nothing. i never realised when the train came and she had to leave, as the train left the platform, the trance was
broken and i was back into reality wondering when will i see her again.it took another 10 days until the moment came again.
from the moment i met her to the point where she left me i was in another state of being. I have never been so happy in a long time now. i feel alive again, feels like i can open my arms wide open and hold
this whole world between them. there has always been unpresidented maddness associated with me. true to my nature i am wild.but the savage is also tamed when it faces beauty. if the mind were not in its place, the heart would have yeilded to her commands, i would have jumped down the 12 foot height or wore the party cap throughout the mall. but i finally ended up drinking water.
in her company the pain in my arm vanished, the words on my toungue dried, the thoughts in my mind where at ease.i was feeling the *ZING*.

life in slow mo

"i did a summersault and landed on my feet, in a continuous motion i also unbuckle my helmet taking it off to see what has just been"

it has just been second day at work, so i have been let off early. i was exhilarated to start working after 5 months of break. i had joined as a junior designer in a chemical machines manufacturing company. my first day was all introduction but from second day on i was already in to designing parts for the machine i was assigned to. the feeling was really good to startup so early into work. i always wanted to do something like this and finally i was on the right path.
being a new joinee work seemed easy. just like the first day, i was let of early from work.
at around 5:30 pm i left the factory to get back home. i had 30km of ride ahead of me and since this was going to be a daily routine for me i had built a mental mind frame to ride it slow, unlike my usual style which is hard and fast. so in just about 2 minutes i was at vasai phata where the road meets national highway number 8. on the highway i started moving towards mumbai maintaining a constant velocity of 55 km/hr. with the evening sun setting the sky had turned orange with a fiery glow. i was tranced in the magnificence of nature. soon i passed chinchoti naka to move on to my first pit stop to fill up some pertol. again i set course for home, still enchanted by environment. 10 minutes into the ride my eyes blackout and i hear a crash, i did a summersault and landed on my feet, in a continuous motion i also unbuckle my helmet taking it off to see what has just been. some thing was still buzzing in my head but i could see my bike laying on the road the engine still running. i walked towards it but my leg refused to heed to my command and i finally stuttred to it. turned off the ignition removed the key. till then a crowd had gathered around which helped me get the bike on stand. only one thing was going in my mind " How" just then someone from the crowed yelled, keep away from the cow or she might hit you again. what ? i just look around to see the beast which had brought me down. there she was mooing , may be taking pleasure in bringing me down , again someone said she hit me to protect her cub , which i never got to see. reality check- i was hit by a cow ,my bike was damaged and i had no idea how bad i was injured, i went to a stall near by to relax a bit and assess the damage to bike and self. there i lay on a bench , slowly all the pain was burning in. i had already known that all my limbs had survived. though my helmet had a horrible scratch , which reminded me if i had not been wearing it then i would have been history and you wouldnt have been reading this. well uptill my first pit stop the helmet was just dangling to my rearview mirror so i feel lucky that i had some sense to wear it for the rest of my journey. back on the bench the first thing which hit me was that i should go and check my bike and if it is working then i should get back home as soon as possible.i tried to get up, but it was all that i could do, so again i tried, this time seeing my effort someone helped me up. i drank water and set off for the bike. people where still accompanyning me, so i managed to stagger all along about 50 yards or so.
most of the front top end was in a mess. headlights, meter totally lost, leg guard , handle where bend backwards but looked managable to ride.i slid in the key and applied the self, my first attempt was a failure but next one surged life into the engine, eureka now i can get back, but the ride was not going to be easy. i was not able to lift my leg enough to get on the bike. people were concerned but i relived them of that too , i just needed some help to get on and set course. and so i did ........

(to be contd)

life

life in its own has been amazing to me.
i don't know how it happned but yes it has happned, i have fallen for her. i love life very much, so much so that i am not letting it go, no matter how it treats me. after all life is only fair, it only treats us on our merits. it makes the most non biased decisions, it only gives us what we deserve and not what we want, and it all comes in its own due time. we are insignificant to her, so she will not listen to us, she doesn't hear our cry of pain or joy. she has just one goal and that is to propogate throughout this world and world of worlds.
She is the mother of all mothers, we are nothing to her yet every thing to her.
I have heard many people saying life is not fair. when they suffer, they blame it on others. if they cannot find other to blame they will blame it on the situation in which they were put in by life.
we can ourselve run our life or ruine it by our actions and reaction.
every thing good or bad we do comes back to us eventually. its the failsafe mechanism of life which makes sure we do not destroy this planet and emty it of its most beautiful creation called 'life'.
of all the facts and figures and all the understanding , still life came to be on this planet as nothing more then a miracle. those who do not understand it work toward destroyin it, people of god believe life was created by god , people of science belive it started with a chemical reaction. life has given us liberty to belive what we want. but it has not given us liberty to destroy lives. those who go against these simple rule have to suffer by hands of life .
knowing this , i only want to become a better humanbeing, make my self worthy enough to get the best out of what life has to offer because i know she is going test me for my good and my bad.
life is a good teacher, she keeps giving me lessons , she makes me aware of things i was never aware they existed. she is a humbel queen, in joy she will open her treasures, in rage she will unlease her wrath . she is a friend of friend, she is the happiness, the joy , the courage which sits in our heart in time to need , she is everything , every where , in every one of us. simply i love life , invariabbly i love all , and everthing about it, i have just been rendered incapable of hating ,
but still i am a mere human bound by my mortal self, and so every now and then i commit sins for which i will pay.
oh life forgive me , for i am ready for you as i was as i am .