the cell beeped , it was her message-
"you please stop calling me, i dont want to be in touch wit you. your presence is troublin me n when i'l b disturbed, you'l b disturbed, so please avoid."
i replied -
"Dats fair enf :-)
i dont want u to be upset
no trouble from me to you
from now on"

i made it as short and simple as possible. i dont know what was going in my mind. definately i was feeling a bit uneasy at that time.
i sat down with my pen and my dairy kept penning, what ever came to my mind. when she asked me 'you stopped writing your blog ?' I realised i had written some thing that day but never posted it so here it is as i had written it on that day 21 days earlier.
The heart has no mind, so it doesnt think. it only feels.
shakespeare says whats in the name. I would say trouble. that is what comes to mind when my name comes up. i have caused trouble for many people. if i start saying sorry to each one of them, it would eat up a major chunk of my life. but come to think of it , i must hae really caused trouble for my mother for she loved and hated me all the same. with me trouble started with birth. it wasnt the docter who misappropriated the time of my birth, but it was just me who was eager to stay where i was. not willing to be born. so they declared an emergency and cut me out. my mother used to say when they brought me out i was not breathing, the body had turned blue. the docter kept slaping me to make me cry. then it was to the incubator for me- its the same thing where eggs are kept to make chickens hatch out of them, & for the wise ones its a machine, so dont think i was put in a grass basket with a hen over me.
the next occurance of trouble as i was told happned when the nurse under whos care i was got arrested for the crime of child snatching. now, could it be ? she might have swapped me or something. i could never associate myself with both my parents.
anyways its all a part of history, 26 years have gone by and i am living the life i have received.
i prefer a defeat then surrender. she was giving me signs of trouble in the last couple of days. but i wouldnt ask her. i just kept pushing the envelop till finally she asked me to stop. my love story hasn't yet started and its already coming to an end. now it should have mattred to me , hurt me , but i do believe every begining starts with an end.
she said every time she met me there was trouble for her. i would like to tell her every time lovers meet sparks fly.no love story is complete without and finally it i am the one who is getting her in trouble than i will be the one getting her out. may be my timing wasnt right, but the feeling i expressed were true. next time you find trouble coming at you, let me deal with it. i am here to take all your troubles away, not cause them.
i hold nothing against you neither i expect you to have the same feelings as i do. the truth is love cannot be forced, another one is i cannot stop loving you.