Words

"Words are tools of the technology of language" a random thought I had while walking out of the house. I kept thinking about it on my short ride to office. Words are redundant on their own. They need to be weaved together to make sense, to tell a story, to send a message, to express oneself, to word play. I don't think anyone of us would actually remember the first word uttered by us. Those are usually gibberish which is easily forgotten. baby talk is not classified as a language. it is something made up in our conversation with a baby. This is a language of facial expressions and random sound. It is a trap which very few can resist. the most eloquent of a person would start a conversation with a baby in ridicule. But this is totally acceptable behaviour.

The norms of engaging with words keeps on changing and becomes more and more stringent as we progress from a baby to an adult. The significance of words is more realised in time of need. words hold the power to unit the masses or start wars. yet I have not been wise when it comes to words.  but I do advise people to be careful in using their words. I hope I am bestowed upon by a miracle  which will empower me with enlightened words.

Too old for love

what is the age for love ?

many people have this encounter with love in their teens. some in early teens and others a bit late. Teenage seems to be the right age to be bitten by this love bug. it just feels right. the young folks are so full of energy. they are head over heels when they are in love. This is the age of finding love,  a sweetheart for life or breaking heart and keep trying.  so we can safely conclude that teenage is the right age for love. but then teenage love is very fragile. there are only a few accounts of teenage love surviving a life time.  Then we come to the young Adults. These would be from the 20 to 30 age group. many people do happen to get married here.  They are quite mature in their quest for love. They are clever to break love in various stages like a crush, infatuation, dating or just seeing each other before they come to the conclusion that it is love. if you haven't found love by now then the chances are that you would never find love. many people around this age prefer to just get married and then love their partner. they find it easier that ways.  For few years now I have been working on getting over the idea of love. at 36 that seems impossible. it is not like I did not fell in love. It just did not happen for me. not the way I would want it to be. so I have been really confused about it. what is it if it is not the warm feeling in the heart. I don't think there is any age for love. Nor does love needs to be expressed physically. sometimes its just a thought shared between two people. a very personal thought though. The general mass wouldn't agree to this thought because they don't see or feel what we do.  meeting someone as amazing as you has ignited that fire in me.  you might disagree but this is love for me. and I see it in your eyes.

Success ?

"those who suffer must do so at their will for suffering has to come by choice and only then the fruits it bears are sweet but for any suffering other than of choice is a pain"

I am not sure if I had copied this from somewhere or if they are my original thoughts. I was just browsing through my old posts and came across this in a draft. 

How true is this for anyone and everyone, for any and every situation. sometime I surprise myself by my abilities with words. a thinker I may be but without any recognition I am just amongst the many alike. brilliance is not in the act but actually in the demonstration of it. if the world cannot see me for what I am than it is not the world to be blamed. the fault lies within me. I have failed to provide a demonstration for the world to see.

so I will have to work on the act of demonstration while I also work on the act and in combination only I will be able to find the success. And with success recognition will follow. 

Lost

I am totally lost in your thought. I believe you are the one person I can be with for the rest of my life without the fear of losing interest. With each passing day my belief is getting stronger and stronger.

But you are right.  You don't feel the same about me. And I totally understand why.
I lack the qualities which you possess. I am a very simple person. I don't understand a lot of thing. I certainly don't understand you in many ways.

But this is my first time when I have met someone like you. Though we have not met in person. After knowing you the way I do, it does not matter that much. Now its just a formality. I hope your prespective about me changes when we meet. And I hope it changes for good. Because if I lose you at this stage of my life then I don't know what I will do. I am even afraid to think of the consequences.

My day and night is you.
My darkness and light is you.
My heart and its beat is you.
My dream and desire is you.
My passion and fire is you.
My sorrows and pleasure is you.
My island and treasure is you.

I am lost without you.

Am I okay ?

Death seems to be the only option to make this pain go away. This felt like a heart attack but eventually turned out to be a heartbreak. I don't know why I am feeling so heartbroken.  Why am I feeling this lose ?

Nothing that drastic has happened between us.  You have been the way you always have been. Nothing seems to have changed for you. But I have fallen into this pit of love. I am just surprised how I ended down here.

If only you had been angry. It wouldn't have been so hard on me. But your cold calmness has left this shrilling effect on me.  You do not realise what power you hold on me. Or maybe you do but are afraid to exercise it. Or simply you do not care about it.  Either ways I am left powerless and helpless.

definitely I am not okay..

My letters to Pam - Day8 of 10

Dear love,

I miss you...

I cut myself from you today.  Now I am a drift.  Please take me back.

My letters to Pam - Day7 of 10

I have missed a day. God what was I doing. This all feels unnecessary. The idea does not hold valid any more. I am the  biggest factor causing this change... I don't know what I am doing. It does not feel right, Nor does it feel wrong.

I know the idea of me being madly in love is kind of hard to digest. I might seem to you like this very crazy person who has lost his senses. It is true... I have lost my mind. Now I am completely driven by my heart.  And my heart only listens to you. It flutter badly when you indicate leaving me. It jumps and skips when you talk about being with someone else. This heart doesn't care if you don't love me. It has a mind of its own. I am sorry if this all seems unreal. I am also clueless to what is happening. My mind is there. It can think but there is no control. Heart is totally on  command. The mind only comes into play if the heart desires.. and it only desires you..

I don't know what to say.. asking you to study for the exam is rendered pointless by my actions. I am sorry love...