a girl & friend

A man without a woman is like a sea without an island, a solar system without a sun. Without a sun life wouldn't have been perpetuated on earth. The importance of a woman cannot be denied in my life. Yet i am a man without a woman.
They say "Every sucessful man has a woman behind him". A simple statement which is open for people to hold their own meaning.
First- A woman makes a man sucessful
Second- A women is after a sucessful man
I fall in the first catogery. I need my woman to become the man I truely am.

Those who know me personally also know that I don't like to be ordered around & I question the authority. I dont know the reason for it , but she was asking me not to attend her show. Which i was not planning to do knowingly. But she was insisting on it, to an extent where she even threatened to back out of the show. I asked " are you ordering me ?"
"yes i am" she replied. It was some thing I was expecting from her, but wasn't sure when she would be using the authority which i have given her over me. This came as a surprise to me and mind it, it was a pleasant surprise. Just to make sure I questioned her authority " who are you to be ordering me around" As if she was expecting this question , had an answer ready for me "I am a girl & your friend".
Now here is one statement which can mean a world to me or its probabbly nothing. What ever it is, only time can tell & her.
For me I have already played my cards, I want her to be more then just my girlfriend. But for now a Girl & Friend will do.

she says i am a mad man, no one can blame her for that

i just finished reading chetan bhagat's third book 'the three mistakes of my life'.
it was a wonderful read as usual baring a few printing errors. he is a good writer in a way cause his readers can relate to his stories.
every book i have read has made my belief stronger in power of love. its not only through book that i have known love but have seen it work in my every day life. my book reading has developed in the last year or so. but i have always heard stories about love and longing from people.
only those who have know love and lost it can understant the need for it.
men will try and find love from where ever he can. there is noo exception when thousands try to find it in the virtual world.
net is a totally different wolrd with its own sets of rules. people seldom have to pay for breaking these rules. i was not that lucky and i paid the price for it so there are nomore hard feelings.
every time i come online i find many new people. its silly how people play love games here.
after a certain disaster i was getting good at playing the same game. i become a player always ready for girls who thought i was a game. i had devised my own set of rules. while chatting on net there are possibilities the person whom you are chatting with will turn out to be a totally different person in real. the risk is always there , but as you know me whats life without risk.
i only prefer to use one networking site as its enough for me. i have been using orkut for a few years now. its a good place to make friends. i have a few good friends from here. i like its consept of going on to forums, chating there making friends. i dont send random friends request nither post a scrap in others scrap book unless i have known them. i have broken this rules in event where a profile has really grabbed my attention. one such profile of a ms xyz grabbed my attention and i posted a scrap to her to which she never replied. so it happens a lot on orkut and there is nothing extraordinay about it. even on the community i tried chatting with her but all was in vain. soon i forget all about it with other distractions around and they are easy to be found. i eventually stoped going to that community. i had found a new waterhole. my frequency on orkut keeps changing from regular to once a month depending on my mood. on this new community i have made some more friends and a reputation. on this community i get to see the same ms xyz again. the time passes as it does i kept seeing her more and more on the community but i didnt make any attempt to chat. then se disappeared for a while and i also decided to cut down on action. half a year has passed just like that but the day was made special bye her comment on my displayed pic. this was what i had waited for so long, taking this opportunity i started a small conversation with her on the comm, but she vanished in the middle of it. another week passed till i got to chat with her again . soon i entered her scrap book. a few sessions of chat made me realise it was not just her DP which attracted me but her way of thinking also did the trick. the kind of people i find on net makes me sceptical of them at first. the only thing i was thinking was she for real ? can any girl be like her ?

i had to see for myself and for that i had to meet her. so i asked her out once. she refused at the begining but then she gave in to my persuasive technics. even when the decision to meet was taken it was not a cake walk. she kept elluding me, making me wait a couple of time at the said place on time without even showing up.
i wondered to my self what i was doing ? then a week of nothing, no chat. she had vanished and left me wondering. the next time i got her on chat i asked for her contact number , which was immediately given to me without a fuss, which again surprised me. even with the number i restrained my self from calling her. i didnt want to comearound as a desperate guy to her.
the online chatting sessions contunied when ever we met, with abrupt disruptions with either of us getting disconnected. on eve of holy i sent her sms to wish her . upto to this point i was not sure if the number belonged to her, even with the replies. it looked like a big prank being played on me.
one morning i had set course to meet her after a string of sms's a night befor. again dissapoinment stared in my eyes but this time i refused to give up. it didnt matter to me for how long it was but i had to meet her and so she aggreed to meet me on the railway station. i had time till her train arrived. i was so awe struk to see her climb the stair.
this was the first i met her, the second meeting came in another 10 days time. things where getting better and better . the third happned with a jerk but i am glad it did , cause i was able to let her know about my feelings. her only reaction was that she is commited and wouldnt want to meet me again. it kind of broke me but i wasnt going to give up that easy.
now she is single again but still doesnt want to meet me. may be doesnt want me to get any wrong signals from her. she says i am a mad man. she is correct in her statement.

it is true, i dont know what love is. i dont know where to find it ? i just know, during the time i spent with her i felt euphoric and i would like to feel the same way for the rest of my life just. this is my final attempt at love. a failure here and i am going to succumb to my harsh reality.

cup of tea

At high speeds it becomes difficult to control bike if some one or some thing comes in front of you.
many a times i feel like i will end up crashing into some vehical some day. when i am riding i have visions of it happening & i am pretty much aware of the risk, but cant help it. its the only way i know to ride & its fun too.
i do believe in taking calculated risks, thats one reason i wont let my bike go out of control , the rest depends on the condition of road and the other factor such as drivers/riders/people crossing road.
there are too many things going in my mind so its hard to put down a clear picture of what i am trying to say here.
a dozen days went by ,but the flavor of the tea still remains. may be there was something in the special tea which the mausi made for us.
last saturday i was on the same road moving towards vasai, but things had changed drastically in just a week. my beautiful and elegant ride partner was replaced by a hefty jay. jay was talking to me but my ears where not listening, my mind was just thinking of her, how wonderful it felt to be with her - "take a U turn here" jay was literally shouting in my ears. I jerked and so did the bike with me making jay shouted a little more. finally i managed to make him stop and concentrated back on the road.
i have to tell a truth here that i was missing the tea i had that evening and i was missing her more.
now i am just waiting for my life changing cup of tea.

assesing the damages

The one question which has eluded many for centuries, which is still a topic of discussion, the answer to which is been given by many but still new answers keep coming up for it is -
what is love ?
There i was on the given time at the given place. the evening sun was on me and there was no shelter from it. but the heat was not getting to me. at 4 i called her up, there was no response.
again the same thing happned. the sun started beating on me. i waited for about 10 minutes and then i logged into the messanger from cell. her offliners where waiting for me there. the terror revealed it self as i went thru them one by one.
she asked me not to come-but i was already there-the rest was just general stuff, but for the end.
the dreaded words where making me sink then and there.the thought had never occured to me, how can i not contact her again ?
Now the heat was on to me, i looked up into the open sky, there was nothin to see. i looked at the screen read the whole thing again and again , sinking each time deeper and deeper. i left a reply, put the cell back in my pocket and stood there with my self and my lonelyness, watching people passing by, the sun beating up ahead , a clear sky. every time i looked up i tried to find god, may be he can answer. the heart was heavy the eyes where filled but there were no tears. i closed my eyes and tried to control my breathing. may be it would have not been that much, if i had not come with the mind to ask her about us. and so the oprotunity was lost, a fall befor i can even stand up. friends are marvelous creation of god. i did the only thing i could, and i called up a freind. it was really nice talking to him, made me feel better. all he was saying was dont worry you just talk to her. there i went like how will i ever get to talk to her ? how ?
and i turned around to find my answer walking towards me.
the most wonderful sight it was to see her smile.
nothin, just nothing had happned to all the pain which was generated a few minutes ago, replaced by euphoria. what happned next was pure esctatic pleasure. by the time she left me i was totally lost in her aura. so deeply in love i am sure to drow. how am i to give test of love when there isnt any test for love. i write here because i know now she is going to read it.
she had warned me about this, but her warning came late. never mind, as lost as i am i will find my way back when i see here there at the end of the path. all the darkness shreded by light, the monster submitted to delight. just few hours with her can do this to me consider what a life time can be.
pleasuer can be found in many a things, i found it when i show her walking down the road with a smile.

The begining

when i am with her my mind is at rest, without her it keeps churning out thoughts which i feel like i shoud give them words. by no means i am a writer, nor i have enough experience on any subject to write about. during our college times one of my professor had suggested me and a couple of my friends to write a book to help the students. if then i had taken him seriously, i would have ended up with a book against my name. but just the way i was i didnt do it . now i feel the pinch of it. i was never much into reading , even when i was young all i can remember is phantom, mandrak and luther. that too when i was in a small town in MP. when i returned to mumbai at about 3 life had changed.
i dont know why my father had bought that book, but during some show on TV i herd about it and i checked it out. it was ment to be my first book to be read in many a years. the book was named ' WINGS OF FIRE ' its the autobiograbhy of former indian president APJ Kalam writen by Arun Tiwari. the book was a great work to read, within that book i came across another authors work. i havea book store near my residence. i just entred it to have a look at whats on offering. its always hard for me to pick and choose cause i am not a kind of reader who knows what they are looking for. going through the self one of the name sparked in my brain. it was the same name which i had came across in 'WINGS OF FIRE' . it was Khalil Jibran.
i immediately hold on to it, just the shear size of the book can deter a moderate reader (i am not even a moderate reader) but a force more than me drived me . the truth is over more than thousand pages, i still havnt managed to read the whole book but have tried to read more then 50% of it. just like Main Kampf, of which only part one has been read, part two is yet to be touched. Shantaram was a pleasant surprise for me. without much effort of my own i was able to go through the whole book, a wonderful experience, a journey of life. i am also in love with karla .
enough of books. there are not enough word as there are books and i am just too small to say about the treasure of knowledge held in them. soon i am to begin a journey of my own. something i have found to be common in all the books is the theam of love. i have know it forever it seems how much love is important in life, but still i am to find it. my journey begins here ...befor i can find love , i have to know what it is.

In your eyes i see

my world to be

you give me joy

which i as a boy

always had cherished

which had perished

my dream to realise

your face in my closing eyes

just one thought in my mind

to be in your bind

the more we grow near

there is more to fear

if your grip slips on me

what am i to be

how would i find you again

through all that pain

which you have made no more

making me want to be your

true to self i am

but a part of love,

the whole of which

is YOU.

Confession

When i say she is beautiful, the world will agree with me.

Form the word go I have been enchanted by her beauty.

I am attracted towards her as any sane men would if she

was talking to them as she did with me. She seemed totally

in control of herself. She knew what she was doing, she

knows how to drive a man to the wall.

If she has her way, she would make me confess my feelings

for her. It is too early for me to say anything about my feelings

for her, the seed of which has been planted in the nursery of

my heart. In time I said she will know me and I will know

how the plant grows up to be.

I am one of those persons who has been seeking love.

I dont know if I deserve her love or not, but i certainly

need it for this life and the coming life times.