i have no shame in accepting the fact that my mind has succumbed to the desire of my heart.
the heart doesn't see right or wrong, it only knows what it wants and is willing to do what ever it takes to get what it wants. it is only because that the heart cannot see the, mind can creep up from behind and try to restore order.
my life has been a mix of things. but my heart has always gotten what ever it has desired on its due time. the only condition being that the desire has to be pure and only one.
i have been termed stupid, even mad for following my heart. most of the people whom i have asked say "don't trust the heart blindly, it will fail you. use your mind". every time i have used my mind, it has failed me to get what i have wanted. i have realised that i have struggled so far because my heart and my mind were not working in the same direction, for the same thing. so eventually i used to end up losing by both heart and mind.
since the heart never listens, cause it never does, i decided to make my mind work in the direction of my heart . mind only understands logic. it doesnt see a point in the heart wanting to be with someone. but the logic is simple, if the heart is captivated by someone then the mind becomes free from the heart. the mind can think more logically away from the disturbing heart. the problem is that the heart just doesn't want to belong to any one, but it only wants to be with with whom- it likes. doesn't matter if the mind approves of the person or not. heart sees things differently. it only wants someone whom it can belong to, who will take care of it for ever and ever. who will never break it. so where do we find such a person ?
when, where , how we are going to find that someone whom the heart wants are the questions which no one can answer besides the maker himself, cause he is the one who has made that person who will lok after your heart . so if he has made him/her then he is bound to know, but he is not going to tell you. he doesnt want to spoil his joy of seeing you find your match.
every time i have seen her , it has been like i am seeing her for the first time. there have not been many times, only five occasions when i have seen her. at her first sight i have lost a beat , lungs gasping for air. she came close started talking, setting me at ease. may be she didn't notice how awe struck i was or she did notice but never showed. sitting across the table, i was lost. i didnt feel the need to talk, she was doing it for me. her hand was in my hand just for the fraction but that fraction has stayed with me ever since.
in which moment of time my heart belonged to her i dont know. but its too late for me to turn back. unfortunately there is no way to move ahead. her heart has already been taken. who ever has occupied it must be a big man, cause he has not even left a corner or a nook for me to sneak in. the fact of the matter is , my heart is sold out but there are no takers. i know she is young, she has a long way to go. with time she will grow. for me i have weathered many stroms, this is just a nudge. she is also doing the same as me, following her heart. it has found someone who will look after it. so what if that someone is not me .
every dream doesnt meet reality..
some stories are ment to be incomplete ...
some hearts are ment to be lonely...
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Sunday, July 6, 2008
THANK YOU GOD
the stone turned with the tide
now the crab had no place to hide
the sky above, space open wide
running from the bird, cursing the tide
on the beach there laid a sea shell
the crab excited "what the bloody hell"
as it neared, realising there was a smell
stink of death, nausiating spell
on second thought, be it open sky
to avoid the stink, crab prefered to die
it could see, the bird above soaring high
the crab cursed "why me God, why ?"
"purpose of your life, to feed the needy"
the God replied "don't be greedy"
go to the fishermen, death will be speedy
but God, "i am the one who is needy"
The God gave a smiling look.
turned around, running back crab a snook
but was swept away in the hook
liberated from its life, a second it took
the bird said "THANK YOU GOD"
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Doing what is right
Can we have two rights, and none of them is wrong ?
Yeah sure we can.
As far as i am concerned there is no wrong. everything is just right.
bur for most of the people i have known, if one is right than other has to wrong. they just assume this but they do not understand assumptions can be fatal.
those people who tend to know me better are generally confused in their mind, if they do like me or not. the lesser known person would just express their dislike. certainly they think how can there be two right. and on the point of argument when i am able to proove myself right, they just assume that i have prooved them wrong and they just tend to dislike me more.
i very much believe in the freedom of speech, but i seldom address a crowd. i prefer to have my personal audience. i feel more comfortable with people i know. but all this is changing as i am coming out of my shell. i have been lucky to see affectionate side of many people. some people directly and most of them known indirectly. the people i know indirectly mean those people i may not know much about , but they know me well some how without actually knowing me. as if they can see right through , in my soul. this are the kind of people who have made this world wonderful for me. they have made me realise the world is a better place and i can make it even better with my efforts.
so again the question is, what can one man do ?
well it just requires one brain to generate a brilliant idea. so thats all i will need, a brilliant idea befor anyone else comesup with it. ironically ideas are not dependant on education, age, cast or community. it just comes when a need arises. need is the mother of inventio, though education and other stuff help in materialising that idea.
so now what do i need ?
for now my love story has been put up on hold as i face a certain crisis at work. more than a crisis it an opportunity to grow. it was all set in motion by my senior manager s resignation, followed by both the project leads , in the coming months and the closing act was performed by my manager putting in his papers, declaring his wish to leave. this being his last month . so the top four have left, well three and the last one out on is way. the value of this top four should be understood by the fact that they had built this team from scratch in the past three years, and they all left one at a time as they had some fallout with the management. now all that remains of the team are the lower ranks. the new recruits will come in but the management is also looking at us to see if some of us are ready and willing to grow. six of us are left from the old team. all are willing to grow only time will tell who is ready enough. but the only thing i am worried about is, with the top four gone i am actually stuck with fools. now there is no one to look up too, no one from whom i can expect to learn something. doing work is not going to be difficult without them, they have imparted enough knowledge upon me and if the need arises i can adapt to the situation quickly and effectively.
now the cards are open, the position has been put up for grabs. i just pray i dont have to step on someone to make my way ahead. but professionalism demands for me to be shrud in this time so i just bid forgiveness for my sins. and yeah once i am out of this so called crisis and i am settled down , i will be back to being myself. i will be back in my persuit for love.
till then hold on love :).
Yeah sure we can.
As far as i am concerned there is no wrong. everything is just right.
bur for most of the people i have known, if one is right than other has to wrong. they just assume this but they do not understand assumptions can be fatal.
those people who tend to know me better are generally confused in their mind, if they do like me or not. the lesser known person would just express their dislike. certainly they think how can there be two right. and on the point of argument when i am able to proove myself right, they just assume that i have prooved them wrong and they just tend to dislike me more.
i very much believe in the freedom of speech, but i seldom address a crowd. i prefer to have my personal audience. i feel more comfortable with people i know. but all this is changing as i am coming out of my shell. i have been lucky to see affectionate side of many people. some people directly and most of them known indirectly. the people i know indirectly mean those people i may not know much about , but they know me well some how without actually knowing me. as if they can see right through , in my soul. this are the kind of people who have made this world wonderful for me. they have made me realise the world is a better place and i can make it even better with my efforts.
so again the question is, what can one man do ?
well it just requires one brain to generate a brilliant idea. so thats all i will need, a brilliant idea befor anyone else comesup with it. ironically ideas are not dependant on education, age, cast or community. it just comes when a need arises. need is the mother of inventio, though education and other stuff help in materialising that idea.
so now what do i need ?
for now my love story has been put up on hold as i face a certain crisis at work. more than a crisis it an opportunity to grow. it was all set in motion by my senior manager s resignation, followed by both the project leads , in the coming months and the closing act was performed by my manager putting in his papers, declaring his wish to leave. this being his last month . so the top four have left, well three and the last one out on is way. the value of this top four should be understood by the fact that they had built this team from scratch in the past three years, and they all left one at a time as they had some fallout with the management. now all that remains of the team are the lower ranks. the new recruits will come in but the management is also looking at us to see if some of us are ready and willing to grow. six of us are left from the old team. all are willing to grow only time will tell who is ready enough. but the only thing i am worried about is, with the top four gone i am actually stuck with fools. now there is no one to look up too, no one from whom i can expect to learn something. doing work is not going to be difficult without them, they have imparted enough knowledge upon me and if the need arises i can adapt to the situation quickly and effectively.
now the cards are open, the position has been put up for grabs. i just pray i dont have to step on someone to make my way ahead. but professionalism demands for me to be shrud in this time so i just bid forgiveness for my sins. and yeah once i am out of this so called crisis and i am settled down , i will be back to being myself. i will be back in my persuit for love.
till then hold on love :).
Conversation
Now i dont know what took it in that direction , but it ended on a very good note.it gave me another insight on a woman's mind. i would like others to have the same feel as i did so i will just paste some parts of the conversation i had with someone.there is nothing much to write about her but just that she is a good friend of mine.
me : hi
aasma : hello
aasma : what's up?
Then we continued our general talk as it kept getting interesting, i started telling her about what kind of authority we get to enjoy at work and all that stuff
me : i do have yahoo on my system
aasma : i know :D
me : from our system we can still log in to orkut n stuff
aasma : coool
me : on all other systems in other departments it has been restricted
aasma : teri wud be gf ne haan kar diya tab to phir gaya teraa kaam... waat lagegi kaam ki... u'll be chatting all day :P
me : : is this a joke ?
aasma : nahi... warning :P
aasma : :D
me : dm
me : i thought it was a joke
me : so i was about to laugh
aasma : duffer
me : but now i cant :-s
aasma : =))
me : she is acting weird
aasma : weird? :-S
me : and ne ways my mind is shooting up
me : no time for ne thing else
me : now concentrate on work
aasma : famous girls' treatment
aasma : if u survive this u will survive anything
aasma : yes concentrate on work
aasma : :D
me : :) i know
me : i'm not a silly kid
me : i know wht i want
aasma : yes baba
aasma : mujhe lecture mat jhaad x-(
me : :P
me : i just sholdering u
aasma : sholdering
me? :-/
the conversation gradually came to a point where i was turned off by the statement she made..i started thinking about it , does it have to happen this way all the time ...
aasma : i dont make big deal about anything unless n until really attached to a personaasma : dont sweat it
me : :
me : two in just one day
aasma : zyaada funda jhaada? :P
me : dis is crazy
aasma : two?
me : yeah
me : she said some thing like dat
me : which really turned me off
aasma : what did she say?
me : now u :
me : she doesnt care for the person just the party so she is going
aasma : and why wud that piss u off?
me : didnt u get it ?
aasma : nope
aasma : i dont tell even my bf sometimes why n what i doing...
me : u see u are also just like her
me : so it make two in a day
me : :
aasma : so nah i dont understand why wud that piss u off
me : i'm a very simple person
me : a ppl person
me : i give importance to ppl
me : more than things
me : or occasions
me : or events
me : or any thing
me : everything else in immaterial
aasma : can i talk now?
aasma : thank you
aasma : see...
aasma : my point of view...
aasma : i have a life where in i'm not answerable to anyone
aasma : it's MINE
aasma : sometimes i do things only for 'myself'
aasma : not caring bout what anyone on earth wud think
aasma : i say...
aasma u r sad.. do something impulsive that u really want to..
aasma : may it be try dancing or online flirting or weed....
aasma : anythingaasma : where i dont answer any freakin soul
aasma : so if anyone questions that free will
aasma : i do say stuff that wud piss the person off
aasma : so that never questioned again
aasma : that's it
aasma : me done
me : free will
aasma : yes
me : it is just being weak
aasma : if doin something that doesnt harm anyone but makes me smile.. i'd do it
aasma : i wudnt call myself weak if i dont vent out my personal life
aasma : i wud call myself badly stressed out and disoriented
me : what do u term as harm ?
aasma : if i do drugs n my guy doesnt get to know... that's harm
aasma : if i sneak out n elope then for parents it's harm
me : so what about free will ?
aasma : free will doesnt mean u'll hurt ppl
aasma : it's just something that will de-stress
aasma : as simple as that
aasma : free isnt % free... like vacuum isnt % vacuum
me : why and how do ppl get hurt ?
aasma : not answering anymore questions
aasma : it's like goin to shrink
aasma : n i hate it
aasma : :
me : well any ways i got my point across to u
aasma : nope
me : now you know why i got pissed of
aasma : i'd still preserve my life n free will
aasma : i still think u shudnt have got pissed off
me : so what ever u have said becomes null n void
aasma : why?
aasma : put ur 'point' across clearly i'll understand it better
me : if you are going to attend someone's birthday party
me : and its purely because of the party and not cause u care about that person
aasma : some ppl do that...
me : so its going to hurt that person if that person got to know
aasma : like i chat online with a lot of ppl...
aasma : ohhhh
aasma : now i got ur point
aasma : i thought u were hurt cuz
she is goin
aasma : ye pehle bolne ka thaa na!
me : bullshit
aasma : what bullshit?
me : she has her freedom
aasma : how wud i know ur point without u telling me...
aasma : i assumed ki u dint want her to go to some dumb party
me : understanding my dear
aasma : that's why u r pissed off n stuff
aasma : not antaryami to understand what u think right!!!!
aasma : :
me : did you read what i wrote above befor u got started ?
aasma : yesaasma : u said she is going for the party not for the person
aasma : so i assumed u r pissed off ki she attends random parties
aasma : not a good girl sign
me : i said read just above wht i have writen befor u started
me : u are going way above
aasma : understand my dear???
me : grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
me : wait i will paste it again
aasma : why cant u just put it here again? instead of confusing me x-(
aasma : so nah i dont understand why wud that piss u
me: i a very simple person
me: a ppl person
me: i give importance to ppl
me: more than things
me: or occasions
me: or events
me: or any thing
me: everything else in immaterial
aasma: can i talk now?
aasma : i thought YOU wanted importance here
me : ME i do not exist
me : i always believe in US
me : WE
aasma : dint quite realise u dint like her not givin importance to someone else pissed u off
aasma : well from that person's point of view... it's wrong...
aasma : damn wrong...
aasma : but the question here is.. will that person be happy if he/she sees her?
me : why the hell den d invitation for ?a
asma : if it makes someone happy thn faking isnt always wrong.. it's makin someone else smile.. simple
aasma : dude... sometimes girls get invitation just like that
aasma : trust me...
aasma : a nonsocial person like me gets invited to parties often n i turn them down... so a pretty girl in mumbai will be loaded with offers sure
me : guess what
me : ??
aasma : what?
me : you have got your shot to become famous
aasma : huh?
me : :D i going to put this conversation on blog
aasma : fuck u!!!
aasma : no way!!!
aasma : dont u even dare do that
aasma : come on!
aasma : please!
yeah she didnt want this conversation to be posted here, but then i convinced her when i told her that i will change the name, and no one will know it was her
me : hi
aasma : hello
aasma : what's up?
Then we continued our general talk as it kept getting interesting, i started telling her about what kind of authority we get to enjoy at work and all that stuff
me : i do have yahoo on my system
aasma : i know :D
me : from our system we can still log in to orkut n stuff
aasma : coool
me : on all other systems in other departments it has been restricted
aasma : teri wud be gf ne haan kar diya tab to phir gaya teraa kaam... waat lagegi kaam ki... u'll be chatting all day :P
me : : is this a joke ?
aasma : nahi... warning :P
aasma : :D
me : dm
me : i thought it was a joke
me : so i was about to laugh
aasma : duffer
me : but now i cant :-s
aasma : =))
me : she is acting weird
aasma : weird? :-S
me : and ne ways my mind is shooting up
me : no time for ne thing else
me : now concentrate on work
aasma : famous girls' treatment
aasma : if u survive this u will survive anything
aasma : yes concentrate on work
aasma : :D
me : :) i know
me : i'm not a silly kid
me : i know wht i want
aasma : yes baba
aasma : mujhe lecture mat jhaad x-(
me : :P
me : i just sholdering u
aasma : sholdering
me? :-/
the conversation gradually came to a point where i was turned off by the statement she made..i started thinking about it , does it have to happen this way all the time ...
aasma : i dont make big deal about anything unless n until really attached to a personaasma : dont sweat it
me : :
me : two in just one day
aasma : zyaada funda jhaada? :P
me : dis is crazy
aasma : two?
me : yeah
me : she said some thing like dat
me : which really turned me off
aasma : what did she say?
me : now u :
me : she doesnt care for the person just the party so she is going
aasma : and why wud that piss u off?
me : didnt u get it ?
aasma : nope
aasma : i dont tell even my bf sometimes why n what i doing...
me : u see u are also just like her
me : so it make two in a day
me : :
aasma : so nah i dont understand why wud that piss u off
me : i'm a very simple person
me : a ppl person
me : i give importance to ppl
me : more than things
me : or occasions
me : or events
me : or any thing
me : everything else in immaterial
aasma : can i talk now?
aasma : thank you
aasma : see...
aasma : my point of view...
aasma : i have a life where in i'm not answerable to anyone
aasma : it's MINE
aasma : sometimes i do things only for 'myself'
aasma : not caring bout what anyone on earth wud think
aasma : i say...
aasma u r sad.. do something impulsive that u really want to..
aasma : may it be try dancing or online flirting or weed....
aasma : anythingaasma : where i dont answer any freakin soul
aasma : so if anyone questions that free will
aasma : i do say stuff that wud piss the person off
aasma : so that never questioned again
aasma : that's it
aasma : me done
me : free will
aasma : yes
me : it is just being weak
aasma : if doin something that doesnt harm anyone but makes me smile.. i'd do it
aasma : i wudnt call myself weak if i dont vent out my personal life
aasma : i wud call myself badly stressed out and disoriented
me : what do u term as harm ?
aasma : if i do drugs n my guy doesnt get to know... that's harm
aasma : if i sneak out n elope then for parents it's harm
me : so what about free will ?
aasma : free will doesnt mean u'll hurt ppl
aasma : it's just something that will de-stress
aasma : as simple as that
aasma : free isnt % free... like vacuum isnt % vacuum
me : why and how do ppl get hurt ?
aasma : not answering anymore questions
aasma : it's like goin to shrink
aasma : n i hate it
aasma : :
me : well any ways i got my point across to u
aasma : nope
me : now you know why i got pissed of
aasma : i'd still preserve my life n free will
aasma : i still think u shudnt have got pissed off
me : so what ever u have said becomes null n void
aasma : why?
aasma : put ur 'point' across clearly i'll understand it better
me : if you are going to attend someone's birthday party
me : and its purely because of the party and not cause u care about that person
aasma : some ppl do that...
me : so its going to hurt that person if that person got to know
aasma : like i chat online with a lot of ppl...
aasma : ohhhh
aasma : now i got ur point
aasma : i thought u were hurt cuz
she is goin
aasma : ye pehle bolne ka thaa na!
me : bullshit
aasma : what bullshit?
me : she has her freedom
aasma : how wud i know ur point without u telling me...
aasma : i assumed ki u dint want her to go to some dumb party
me : understanding my dear
aasma : that's why u r pissed off n stuff
aasma : not antaryami to understand what u think right!!!!
aasma : :
me : did you read what i wrote above befor u got started ?
aasma : yesaasma : u said she is going for the party not for the person
aasma : so i assumed u r pissed off ki she attends random parties
aasma : not a good girl sign
me : i said read just above wht i have writen befor u started
me : u are going way above
aasma : understand my dear???
me : grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
me : wait i will paste it again
aasma : why cant u just put it here again? instead of confusing me x-(
aasma : so nah i dont understand why wud that piss u
me: i a very simple person
me: a ppl person
me: i give importance to ppl
me: more than things
me: or occasions
me: or events
me: or any thing
me: everything else in immaterial
aasma: can i talk now?
aasma : i thought YOU wanted importance here
me : ME i do not exist
me : i always believe in US
me : WE
aasma : dint quite realise u dint like her not givin importance to someone else pissed u off
aasma : well from that person's point of view... it's wrong...
aasma : damn wrong...
aasma : but the question here is.. will that person be happy if he/she sees her?
me : why the hell den d invitation for ?a
asma : if it makes someone happy thn faking isnt always wrong.. it's makin someone else smile.. simple
aasma : dude... sometimes girls get invitation just like that
aasma : trust me...
aasma : a nonsocial person like me gets invited to parties often n i turn them down... so a pretty girl in mumbai will be loaded with offers sure
me : guess what
me : ??
aasma : what?
me : you have got your shot to become famous
aasma : huh?
me : :D i going to put this conversation on blog
aasma : fuck u!!!
aasma : no way!!!
aasma : dont u even dare do that
aasma : come on!
aasma : please!
yeah she didnt want this conversation to be posted here, but then i convinced her when i told her that i will change the name, and no one will know it was her
i want to be
To cross the river
I need a bridge or a boat.
Cause i cannot cross
it on my own.
The lack of swiming
the fear of drawning
Is keeping me at bay
I dont even have hay
to keep me afloat
or should i make a boat ?
do i have that time
to build the bridge
across the ridge
i dont know the depth
at which the water will rise
if it goes above my eyes
then i am stuck
as a dead duck
even you are not with me
just my luck
to the other side
i would have flown
the thought, easy it came
that easily it was gone.
i burned my wings
when i flew to the sun
in iternal bliss, in zing
and i am trying to run
my dream, my nightmare
trying hard in despair
the only place i can reach
is the same place i be
i see many people
everyone looks like me
an image, an identity
a part of me, which
i could never becom or still
want to be.
I need a bridge or a boat.
Cause i cannot cross
it on my own.
The lack of swiming
the fear of drawning
Is keeping me at bay
I dont even have hay
to keep me afloat
or should i make a boat ?
do i have that time
to build the bridge
across the ridge
i dont know the depth
at which the water will rise
if it goes above my eyes
then i am stuck
as a dead duck
even you are not with me
just my luck
to the other side
i would have flown
the thought, easy it came
that easily it was gone.
i burned my wings
when i flew to the sun
in iternal bliss, in zing
and i am trying to run
my dream, my nightmare
trying hard in despair
the only place i can reach
is the same place i be
i see many people
everyone looks like me
an image, an identity
a part of me, which
i could never becom or still
want to be.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
working monday
i am back working at my previous company. well i am quit surprised actually, it has been a 11 months since i have left there. i stoped going to work from 15th july. it was because i was turned off by my manager there. she was one nasty lady. if you ask me, there where two reasons for her to becom the manager. reason 1 being that she had been working with the owner of the company for 20 years or so and the second was that she was also his lay. she had this hell of ego. she was one reason i quit and so did this other fellow, soon after i did. this other fello Mr. KV was also some guy.man he had some crude understanding. i think southindians are born with ego. i have never seen a man stuck to a cell as Mr. KV did. he was a good buddy though. but dont know why, but he was kind of scared or something of the owner of the company. the owner of the company was Mr.P. he was a very lucky man. lucky, hardworking and certainly a business man. he knew how to do business. he could throw his money around. he knew how and he had enoughmoney to throw around. he was the one who interviewed me. he was the only one who could. he promised me a lot of things. he gave me authority in his company. there were many things to be learned from him. but he never much used to visit the factory. he just used to be at his office in town. befor i joined in , he used to come thrice a week to the factory, cause there was no one to handle the work as he did. then i came in and as soon as i was able to manage work on my own, his visit to the factory started reducing. now he would be there twice a month. he used to say to me 'son you work like you are me'. yeah i did feel better working like him and much better better if he did pay me as good. but he prefered to give me his word rather than his money. well i didnt want all his money. just the fair deal , for which i worked. all i was getting was words which kind of turned me off. its not even that i minded working at that pay, the position i had there was good. but the manager, we used to call her ma'am- Mrs SN. now she was the manager for only two reasons i have mentioned earlier. i dont know if she understands 'P' of production. she was (is) one stubburn lady. i didnt like her much more nor did she liked me much. she didnt like me because o used to override her command in the factory. when it came to work, i have a very simple policy, either u you show me the way you want me to work or you let me know what work you want me to do and let me do it my way. Mr.P had given me freedom of doing the work in my way and get it done. so she didnt me at all. but she couldnt do any thing about it. there where times when Mr.P used to flank her for interfearing with my work. but she had ego problem. she was a southindian too and she didnt like me for cutting into her power. we used to have our tussel every now and then. the frequency of our tussel was inversly proportional to the frequency of Mr.P's visit to the factory. so it had to be. i used to ignore her till she just kept insulting me and kept saying sorry. that was kind of a routine. but then she added insult to injury, that really really turned me off, so i went off on my own.
its monday morning and what the hell am i doing here ? i have quit this place 11 months ago, i have to be at GeP. I am having some trouble at GeP but i havnt quit there yet and so i shouldnt be here.it kind of made me scared i was shaken and i woke up. the clock showed 10:15 am, i was still home, my shift starts at 1:30 pm at GeP. so i need not worry. i can still make it to work. it is kind of killing me to start working on monday after i had such a weekend. what happned on weekend was another story , now i have to go and get ready. bye for now
its monday morning and what the hell am i doing here ? i have quit this place 11 months ago, i have to be at GeP. I am having some trouble at GeP but i havnt quit there yet and so i shouldnt be here.it kind of made me scared i was shaken and i woke up. the clock showed 10:15 am, i was still home, my shift starts at 1:30 pm at GeP. so i need not worry. i can still make it to work. it is kind of killing me to start working on monday after i had such a weekend. what happned on weekend was another story , now i have to go and get ready. bye for now
Sunday, June 22, 2008
the cell beeped , it was her message-
"you please stop calling me, i dont want to be in touch wit you. your presence is troublin me n when i'l b disturbed, you'l b disturbed, so please avoid."
i replied -
"Dats fair enf :-)
i dont want u to be upset
no trouble from me to you
from now on"
i made it as short and simple as possible. i dont know what was going in my mind. definately i was feeling a bit uneasy at that time.
i sat down with my pen and my dairy kept penning, what ever came to my mind. when she asked me 'you stopped writing your blog ?' I realised i had written some thing that day but never posted it so here it is as i had written it on that day 21 days earlier.
The heart has no mind, so it doesnt think. it only feels.
shakespeare says whats in the name. I would say trouble. that is what comes to mind when my name comes up. i have caused trouble for many people. if i start saying sorry to each one of them, it would eat up a major chunk of my life. but come to think of it , i must hae really caused trouble for my mother for she loved and hated me all the same. with me trouble started with birth. it wasnt the docter who misappropriated the time of my birth, but it was just me who was eager to stay where i was. not willing to be born. so they declared an emergency and cut me out. my mother used to say when they brought me out i was not breathing, the body had turned blue. the docter kept slaping me to make me cry. then it was to the incubator for me- its the same thing where eggs are kept to make chickens hatch out of them, & for the wise ones its a machine, so dont think i was put in a grass basket with a hen over me.
the next occurance of trouble as i was told happned when the nurse under whos care i was got arrested for the crime of child snatching. now, could it be ? she might have swapped me or something. i could never associate myself with both my parents.
anyways its all a part of history, 26 years have gone by and i am living the life i have received.
i prefer a defeat then surrender. she was giving me signs of trouble in the last couple of days. but i wouldnt ask her. i just kept pushing the envelop till finally she asked me to stop. my love story hasn't yet started and its already coming to an end. now it should have mattred to me , hurt me , but i do believe every begining starts with an end.
she said every time she met me there was trouble for her. i would like to tell her every time lovers meet sparks fly.no love story is complete without and finally it i am the one who is getting her in trouble than i will be the one getting her out. may be my timing wasnt right, but the feeling i expressed were true. next time you find trouble coming at you, let me deal with it. i am here to take all your troubles away, not cause them.
i hold nothing against you neither i expect you to have the same feelings as i do. the truth is love cannot be forced, another one is i cannot stop loving you.
"you please stop calling me, i dont want to be in touch wit you. your presence is troublin me n when i'l b disturbed, you'l b disturbed, so please avoid."
i replied -
"Dats fair enf :-)
i dont want u to be upset
no trouble from me to you
from now on"
i made it as short and simple as possible. i dont know what was going in my mind. definately i was feeling a bit uneasy at that time.
i sat down with my pen and my dairy kept penning, what ever came to my mind. when she asked me 'you stopped writing your blog ?' I realised i had written some thing that day but never posted it so here it is as i had written it on that day 21 days earlier.
The heart has no mind, so it doesnt think. it only feels.
shakespeare says whats in the name. I would say trouble. that is what comes to mind when my name comes up. i have caused trouble for many people. if i start saying sorry to each one of them, it would eat up a major chunk of my life. but come to think of it , i must hae really caused trouble for my mother for she loved and hated me all the same. with me trouble started with birth. it wasnt the docter who misappropriated the time of my birth, but it was just me who was eager to stay where i was. not willing to be born. so they declared an emergency and cut me out. my mother used to say when they brought me out i was not breathing, the body had turned blue. the docter kept slaping me to make me cry. then it was to the incubator for me- its the same thing where eggs are kept to make chickens hatch out of them, & for the wise ones its a machine, so dont think i was put in a grass basket with a hen over me.
the next occurance of trouble as i was told happned when the nurse under whos care i was got arrested for the crime of child snatching. now, could it be ? she might have swapped me or something. i could never associate myself with both my parents.
anyways its all a part of history, 26 years have gone by and i am living the life i have received.
i prefer a defeat then surrender. she was giving me signs of trouble in the last couple of days. but i wouldnt ask her. i just kept pushing the envelop till finally she asked me to stop. my love story hasn't yet started and its already coming to an end. now it should have mattred to me , hurt me , but i do believe every begining starts with an end.
she said every time she met me there was trouble for her. i would like to tell her every time lovers meet sparks fly.no love story is complete without and finally it i am the one who is getting her in trouble than i will be the one getting her out. may be my timing wasnt right, but the feeling i expressed were true. next time you find trouble coming at you, let me deal with it. i am here to take all your troubles away, not cause them.
i hold nothing against you neither i expect you to have the same feelings as i do. the truth is love cannot be forced, another one is i cannot stop loving you.
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