The Bullet & a miracle of Christmas eve..

From my early childhood I was passionate about bikes. I used to dream about riding the bike across the country. I learned everything about riding a bike before I even got on a bike. No friend or family every allowed me to get on a bike. It was when I turned 18 that I forced my father to get me a bike. That is how my biking journey began. I got the bike before even I had the license to ride it. I started learning to ride on my own bike.
My first bike was Yamaha RX 100. It was a mean machine but I loved riding it. As the time changed and the fuel price kept going higher and higher I was on a look out for the alternative to that bike. A suitable alternative I found was in the Bajaj Pulsar 180. The first model from the Bajaj stable was pure monster. It was so dam quick. My time with that bike lasted for about 6 years till one day I decided to sell it off.
It was then that I was on a look out for another bike when I decided to try out a bullet. A bullet is a biker’s fascination. As a test case I decided to get a used bullet and ride is for some time to see how it works for me. Even after planning to get one cheap I ended up paying higher than what I would have wanted for that bike. The bike looked great. While buying I knew there was some minor work to be done. But that minor work turned out to be major work when on the very same night riding out I blew the piston. It was a sad case but not to be disheartened I got the bike fixed. Honestly the ride of a bullet is just brilliant. There is no comparison with any other bike.
Before buying the bike I was warned that it can be heavy on the pocket. But since I was now earning I was not much concerned about the expenses. As the time with the bullet passed I started to realize how much attention the bike demanded. I had to take her to the mechanic ever alternate week. This compared to my earlier two bikes was just too much. I was used to visiting a mechanic alternate months. A single visit to the mechanic for the bullet would cost me an average of about Rs.2000. even with all its riding pleasure the bike was quite unpractical for my sense. With a 350 CC engine it is expected to keep on going. But as I found out, the bike got tired earlier than me. Being a regular rider habituated on riding for long hours this was annoying for me. If looks, style & riding comfort was excluded there was nothing much in the bike. The bullet was not much reliable as I would break down in the middle of the road. As one day it happened to me in the middle of the night. The bullet mechanic was now more friendly with me as my frequency of visits increased. After about 4 months of trial I finally decided to get rid. A friend of mine showed interest in the bike even after my initial warning. He was of the opinion that my riding style was not proper for that bike and that he would be fine riding it. At his own risk I handed over the bike to him. One fine day I received a call from him stating I was correct all along. The problem was with the bike itself and not with my riding style. Still the bike was with him. I told him to keep it till the time I get a good paying customer. My problem was that if I had kept the bike with me I would have rode it regularly denting my pockets further. It was a sorry case to find the taker for the bike as it became difficult. One other thing which came to my mind was that I got a used bike, so might have been trouble. If I had gotten a new bike it would have been easier on me.
During all this time while I was waiting for the bullet to be sold off the Royal enfield company announced the launch of the classic model. The review of the classic was fine and promised to be a reliable bike. I checked out the bike at the dealer and got the required details for getting one. Now I was just waiting for the old one to be sold off so that I can get a new one.
The irony of life is played once twice but not many times. Now already seven months had passed since I have decided to sell of the old bike. With no buyer I had given up on the idea that it will be sold of ever. I was left stranded without a bike. This part of my life was quite miserable. I had lost my ability to fly. I had once tried a dealer and get the valuation of the old bullet to see if I can exchange it for a new bike. The price offered by the dealer was considerably low. It would mean I have to take a loss of Rs.10000 & so I had decided against it. Now with so much time gone by I had just given up on the idea of a bike.
It was like a joke to me as I had decided to go for the new royal enfield classic bike. I had not discussed it with my friend who was holding on to the old bullet. During all this the life kept going on. I had my own plans but they never materialized. This Christmas I witnessed magic. I was out with my friend at our regular spot. We were just discussing on goings in life. Before that I had never discussed about my plans to buy a classic with him but that day I just told him. His reaction was as expected. He told me that is would be a mistake to buy that bike as it is not a practical bike. He gave me example of new classics laying at the service center. I was little annoyed with his response. I told him “if I am not buying the classic, than I do not need to wait and can go directly to the dealer and book a new bike”. He asked me “Do you want to go now”. Yes I said and we took off with the Bullet to the dealer. Even with the Rs.10000 loss I was ready this time as I had already started saving money for the classic. The Christmas magic must have hit the dealer as well, because this time around the price quoted by the dealer was near my expectation. I had break even on the old bike and now I was on my way to get a new bike.
Now I am just a week or two away from getting my wheels back and start flying. Overall this year was going to be down the drain but for this end. This was totally unexpected to me. This Christmas changed the whole year which had gone bad. As it is said “All is well if it ends well”
-Looking forward to riding the years ahead

Ye Kya Bakwas Hai ??

I am glad that till this point in my life I haven’t come across a situation where in I have to decide what the bakwas is all about. For me it simply means that I am not interested in whatever it is. But the matter is that I have this inner quality by which I can keep going on talking total nonsense at times. For that one reason enough a few of my colleagues have chosen to proclaim me a director. Initially I was pretty happy with such a proclamation. This happiness was short lived. Actually it was my colleague who came to the murder of my happiness realizing I was taking the director to be quite positively. And so this colleague of mine made it very clear to me by proclaiming me as a director he never meant to address me by any position. But it was simply the creation of his imagination to call me a director. And in his sense and I would repeat in his sense only had is occurred it that why in which he was thinking. And so I had to ask him on his face after seeing his grin. My curiosity took the best of me so I quizzed him to the point of break. He was now very happy with his mutual victory as he knew he had me where he had wanted me in the first place. So based on my inner quality to rant on utter nonsense at time what he had meant was a story writer. But since most of the story writers are mostly associated with TV media including Cinema he dubbed me as a director as someone who can create stories. I once had a discussion with him over why I tend to make up such a long stories in the first place. I gave him a very simple logic of mine to make him understand . well for me it’s a mystery why so many people come to me with questions . And not only that those people who come to me also do expect an answer. Which invariably I do manage to fish out somehow. But in doing so I end up cooking a story. It’s not that I do it on purpose or that I don’t realize I am doing it . but the thing is very simple . By the time I am finished providing my answer the person forget the question in the first place. This provides a base for my answer to be true and hence develop the credibility in always providing the right kind of answers. And so people keep coming to me with more and more questions . and I end up like – Ye kya Bakwas Hai..??

Where did this pain come from?

Don’t know what to make of this question being asked to me time and again. I could have said that I am born with it. But it’s not true. We cannot be born with pain. Our childhood is less painful and I know it for a fact. I can also add that most of us don’t even remember that phase of our early childhood. I don’t know how I was when I was a year old. Good bad nothing I remember of it. Trying to remember it now itself is a pain.

Pain comes from the same place where love is generated. It is also quoted “if there weren’t love, I would have never known pain”. Yes this love I talk about is so dilute. For me it is everywhere. I love my family, friends, my things and not to miss out on my world. When we love, we do not expect things to change. But change they do as the only one constant is change. And so whenever things it causes pain.

Even if I can live with all this pain still it hurts. And so I have taken hurting as a part of my life. I can always start caring less about petty things which cause me pain. But for that I would have to change my core nature. I would have to stop loving my world. I would have to stop living in a way which have enabled me to walk through my life in a easy manner. The fact of the matter is that I have moved too much ahead in my life to move back. Now this pain is what just a routine. So basically the answer to the question is – I have lived my life along with pain and so it has come along with me.

There only so much of pain that a human being can take, beyond which death is certain.

The above statement is true in every accord, but as humans we are still able to defy it.

There is no discovery in human suffering. It’s always there. We just have to be realized of its existence.

Right now for me it’s trivial to talk about pain or suffering. The joys of life are far more important.

So the ultimate question would be – what is Joy ?

Rather than thinking much over this question I just decided to do some research over the widely available resources of the internet. So by putting the word ‘joy’ as a search string I googled. Rather than checking any random hits I just went to check the result provided by Merriam Webster. Below is what they have to say about Joy.

Main Entry: 1joy

Pronunciation: \jȯi\

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French joie, from Latin gaudia, plural of gaudium, from gaudēre to rejoice; probably akin to Greek gēthein to rejoice

Date: 13th century

1 a : the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : delight b : the expression or exhibition of such emotion : gaiety

2 : a state of happiness or felicity : bliss

3 : a source or cause of delight

— joy·less \-ləs\ adjective

— joy·less·ly adverb

— joy·less·ness noun

I was pleased as one of the above explanation was in line with my thoughts. At least it indicated I was thinking right. For me joy is just doing what the heart desires. Even with this simple logic I have found that people are not happy. Even teachings of Buddha advice us to control our desire.

There are so many desires I have. Now I wonder which one to keep and which ones to put aside.

There are those desires which will never be fulfilled and there are those for which I will just have to wait for the right time. But truly what I have always desired is surrender myself and still not be lost.

I had to chose between giving up my desires or a life full of pain and suffering . as I know that suffering is what makes me grow and pain is what makes me stronger. With that I conclude happiness is out of bound for me. I have just put aside my desire to be happy any more. But by putting aside my desire I have allowed myself to be happy. And hence by giving up what I wanted I attained it. This is why it is said- life goes around in circles.

The choice was made

Love is not a cookie in a jar, if the jar is empty i can get another one. letting go is easier said than done. especially for me. love doesnt actually matter or changes even if the person whom you love doesnt care for your love cause they have already found the love of their life. i dont think i am crazy when i say "I love you".

In my reality you are just a mirage which appears in the desert, giving a false hope to the wonderer that he has been saved alas if only you where just a mirage. as i come to discover you certainly are very much true and are very far of from me still being near. you yourself are on a journey of selfdiscovery. what got best of me was your curiosity about me. you have been kind and affectionate to me and i just want to return the favor. you dont talk to me and i have been adrift. I know how wonderful it feels to love someone and be loved in return and i dont want to cut into your joy. I would really like to see you happy and laughing all the time. i am in love with your laughater. There not much i can do , but it doesnt stop me from doing what i can.

lonely..

i have no shame in accepting the fact that my mind has succumbed to the desire of my heart.
the heart doesn't see right or wrong, it only knows what it wants and is willing to do what ever it takes to get what it wants. it is only because that the heart cannot see the, mind can creep up from behind and try to restore order.
my life has been a mix of things. but my heart has always gotten what ever it has desired on its due time. the only condition being that the desire has to be pure and only one.
i have been termed stupid, even mad for following my heart. most of the people whom i have asked say "don't trust the heart blindly, it will fail you. use your mind". every time i have used my mind, it has failed me to get what i have wanted. i have realised that i have struggled so far because my heart and my mind were not working in the same direction, for the same thing. so eventually i used to end up losing by both heart and mind.
since the heart never listens, cause it never does, i decided to make my mind work in the direction of my heart . mind only understands logic. it doesnt see a point in the heart wanting to be with someone. but the logic is simple, if the heart is captivated by someone then the mind becomes free from the heart. the mind can think more logically away from the disturbing heart. the problem is that the heart just doesn't want to belong to any one, but it only wants to be with with whom- it likes. doesn't matter if the mind approves of the person or not. heart sees things differently. it only wants someone whom it can belong to, who will take care of it for ever and ever. who will never break it. so where do we find such a person ?
when, where , how we are going to find that someone whom the heart wants are the questions which no one can answer besides the maker himself, cause he is the one who has made that person who will lok after your heart . so if he has made him/her then he is bound to know, but he is not going to tell you. he doesnt want to spoil his joy of seeing you find your match.
every time i have seen her , it has been like i am seeing her for the first time. there have not been many times, only five occasions when i have seen her. at her first sight i have lost a beat , lungs gasping for air. she came close started talking, setting me at ease. may be she didn't notice how awe struck i was or she did notice but never showed. sitting across the table, i was lost. i didnt feel the need to talk, she was doing it for me. her hand was in my hand just for the fraction but that fraction has stayed with me ever since.
in which moment of time my heart belonged to her i dont know. but its too late for me to turn back. unfortunately there is no way to move ahead. her heart has already been taken. who ever has occupied it must be a big man, cause he has not even left a corner or a nook for me to sneak in. the fact of the matter is , my heart is sold out but there are no takers. i know she is young, she has a long way to go. with time she will grow. for me i have weathered many stroms, this is just a nudge. she is also doing the same as me, following her heart. it has found someone who will look after it. so what if that someone is not me .
every dream doesnt meet reality..
some stories are ment to be incomplete ...
some hearts are ment to be lonely...

THANK YOU GOD

the stone turned with the tide
now the crab had no place to hide
the sky above, space open wide
running from the bird, cursing the tide
on the beach there laid a sea shell
the crab excited "what the bloody hell"
as it neared, realising there was a smell
stink of death, nausiating spell
on second thought, be it open sky
to avoid the stink, crab prefered to die
it could see, the bird above soaring high
the crab cursed "why me God, why ?"
"purpose of your life, to feed the needy"
the God replied "don't be greedy"
go to the fishermen, death will be speedy
but God, "i am the one who is needy"
The God gave a smiling look.
turned around, running back crab a snook
but was swept away in the hook
liberated from its life, a second it took
the bird said "THANK YOU GOD"