20/11

My Dear beloved

Good morning!

Hope my letter finds you well

It has been about 17 hrs since I directly communicated with you. I am sorry if you have not yet seen my other blogpost. That post is suppsoe to explain my abrupt disappearances. That is my hope, but if not then I fear what might go through your head. I know it will indeed make you feel sad to not to see my dm, neither in the night or in the morning.It is a small thing, but in the past few days I made it a point to wish you good night & good morning - I had a streak going on and now that has broken. It is so easy to equaten & compare all men together. All men are pigs. I am one too, but I am still unique in my own way. 

We are extreme opposites and they attract when it comes to a relationship. That is the only explanation I have for us coming together. You give me hope of a bright future together. But you are also from a very advanced generation. Gen Z people are amazing when compared to millennial peson like me. I being from the first year of my generation have struggled with everything as I have been too much into it. 

I am sorry, I am letting your thoughts run free in my mind. I shouldn't take you so seriously but I still do and here I am making a blog post in the morning. 

Take care & study hard!

If you need me, you know where to find me... 

Love you

और भी है कहने को

कुछ दिन ऐसे भी गुजर कर देख लो

बाते तो रोज होती है, बिना बातों के भी देख लो

मज़ा तो मिलने मै बहुत है, इंतजार कर के भी देख लो

जो आसानी से मिल जाए वह प्यार ही क्या

प्यार मै अगर ना टूटे तो वो दिल ही क्या

महफिल हो अपनो की,

पर तुम न हो तो वोह महफिल ही क्या

ख्वाब सजाए तेरे, पर ये नींद ना आए

याद सताए तेरी मुझे चैन ना आए

तुम ही कह दो मुझे अब हम जाए तो कहां जाए...

Unexpected Pause

Some times you want to do something but you are very indecisive about doing it. Then you are looking for a sign or want someone to force that decision on you. 

Forced decisions are a blessing when the decision is favouring you. In a coin toss there are only two outcomes if you are using a normal coin but this game can be rigged by having a coin with head on both sides. 

"We have email" and I can write to you directly. But I also have a blog where I can write as much as I want leave it up to you some come up here and read it when you are takine break from your studies and wondering where I am at. 

Its funny how I got my reddit account suspended and leaving you without a word. And I am treating this as a blessing in discuise. The timing is just perfect, as you need to go into the deep end of studies with the exams near. 

Please bear with with me as I am on a forced pause.I will be back :)

The duality of mind

Contradictions exist and they exist for a good reason. They create the necessary balance to create harmony. We are extreme opposite of each other and that is what is drawing us towards each other.

 You bring me joy which I have not felt in a long time. You give me hope of finding love.  

And still this mind dives deep into the sea of depression. This sea was creating by accumulating drops of sorrow & pain. But I am not talk about it in "The bottom"

Here I am going to talk about the duality of my mind. How I can be an adult grown man on one hand and on another hand I am this child who is still playing with dolls. 

all eyes tell a story

"Eye are the windown to the soul"

She looked at my eyes and she blurted "OMG you have sad eyes, why?"

I paused.I knew, anything I say will not make any sense to her or me. but I could not ignore her so I said "my eyes are like that only" 

I had an after thought so I added "Me no find love me keep looking" 

Here is where I knew I am done for, a 44 year man talking incomprehensibly like this has obviously lost his mind. Words are the weapon of choice for a wise man and I do like to think I am one. But I have my flaws.

As Elvis said it aptly "Wise man say only fools fall in love..."

At the slightest hint of love I have alway been ready to jump, head first into the abyss - leaving behind all my accumulated wisdom aside. 

By my experience, while I have continued this quest for love for a long time. But during this while all I have found are lost souls. and I am only talking about the phenomenon of internet. 

I know this is wrong, but I still want to do it. Because all I see is hope. the hope to find - true love. Any other kind of love is not wort the effort. 

So indeed I have lost mind and that explains everything. 

P.S. loving you will be my method in madness. I am just giving it another try.

Wondering

What if? - This is a typical scenario which we have to tackle, be it life in general or business. As we move forward, I am only going to talk about life, there will be no reference to any business. However business is a part of life so lets just say if that topic comes up then we will address it accordingly.

So lets get to this scenario, what if I have finally found my soulmate ? Yes, you are reading it right. Its a silly question to be wondering upon. Specially consider my past experiences. Some would also say that I have not learned from it. But then, what if this is true ? Should I let the bad experiences of the past play a significant role in how my future can be?

Hope is a four letter word and so is love. Neither have any standing in the relm of rationally. But both of them keep the world going on. without either of them this world would have fallen in utter despair. And some would argue that it is foolish to hope/love. But in my experience a fool is the unlucky one who has failed with hope or love. people just see the failure and laugh at the fool who failed. On the other hand the same people would make a line to celebrate and cherish the success. So I am going to disregard what people will say. Just like I always have been. 

When we have lived long enough, we are bound to experiences the up's and down's of life. No once is free from this boundage of life. life treats everyone equally. For the belivers, I will say its the karma. We reap what we sow. Anyhow, I am not saying this is it. But I am just going to give it a chance and see where this will lead. 

So my answer to - what if ?

Is - So be it!

To the end & a new beginning 😃 

Marooned

every now and then I find myslef lost. It is a daily struggle to keep up with life. to be very honest, life itself has been dragging me along for sometime now.

my mind is sullen, broken. so is my heart. either one in a working condition is a must to keep me driving through life. but here I am drifting clueless towards an unknown fate. 

I am not afraid to die. Death would be kind of a liberation. many years ago I told someone my biggest fear was to end up alone. now I am not even afraid of that. I have sucessfully managed to cut of so many people. over a period of time I have become good at it. 

this world seems a very lonely place. even when you are surrounded by people its so empty. maybe having people around makes it worst. 

love is a solution to problems which it own creats. self love is true love indeed. but then intelligence and consciences are like termites eating away into your existence. I can't even believe in the idea of god anymore. 

the real problem starts when you start seeing through people. it creeps them out. no one wants to be around a creep. their secrets are not safe.  

what is darkness ? in simple terms it is unknow, unfathomable. the light can reach only so far. anything and everything beyond light is darkness. 

hope is a vessel which allows us a passage through this darkness. maybe I need more humbling experiences to get my feet to the ground. That is something I really miss. I want to find my anchor....